"very often we travel the world over in search of what we need and return home to find it." - george moore

a few random musings on my last couple weeks at work.

i think there are times when songs follow you. for me it's been 'fields of gold' by sting for some completely unknown reason. it started when i was re-watching aaron sorkin's not so successful show studio 60. the premise is that it's a show about a late night sketch comedy show (think saturday night live). one night the musical guest is sting playing his lute and the executive producer asks him to sing fields of gold. now i like the original version, but with a lute? so much better.

i heard the song again - another cover - when i was taking the train to the airport for grandma's funeral. listening to stuart maclean broadcast a show from 'the canadian' train, the one that goes across canada. it was a lovely acoustic version covered by someone whose name i can't remember.

lastly, i heard it just a few days ago walking from the walker art gallery to the station on my way home. there are several grotty karaoke pubs in liverpool and at this particular one someone happened to be belting out fields of gold. i listened to it that night doing housework to get a lovely voice singing it back into my head.

i've been trying to put together a mix before i leave liverpool, but it's really hard. i'm obsessive about each song leading into the next and that's hard to do when you're not just trying to get a good series of songs together, but to try and weave a story too. i'm sure i'll get there, but it needs a few more takes.

it feels weird that i only have two days left at work. in fact i think it only just dawned on my yesterday. i've started saying goodbye to people and that feels strange. i wonder who i'll keep in touch with and who will just become a memory for me. i wonder if i'll miss schlepping to the train station with bags of stuff to take into work in the rain trying not to let my hair get wet and frizzy. i wonder if i'll ever really appreciate how fortunate i've been to have the opportunities i've had here and if i'll be able to convey that properly to my own little community here.

i found a card when i was cleaning out my desk yesterday. it was left on my desk when i first started at the lady lever art gallery and just welcomed me and wished me well. i remember being really touched by it, but that's just how this place is. everyone helps everyone. it's been my own little family away from home and i'm going to miss them.

i'll be weepy about leaving my friends too when the time comes, but that's not for a couple weeks yet. a word of warning though - i'm not going to keep the blog up when i move back to canada. i thought it would be nice just to have it of a record of my four years here.

Margaret Jessie Gould

It's been a tough and trying time for my family lately. Sadly, my Grandma Gould died last week on 7 July just over two months since my Grandpa passed away. She had been suffering with dementia and other ailments and it was a relief for her that she suffered no longer and saved her family more pain in watching her drift away. That might seem crass to some, but blessings often disguise themselves. I was home for the funeral this week and arrived back in Liverpool yesterday for my last month in the UK.

The Minister who has presided over both services was Canon Jim Kiddell who knew both of my grandparents well in their time at St Mathias Church in Etobicoke. When he spoke about Grandpa he referred to him most often as principled, for my Grandma it was 'pearl' and gracious. Quite a lot was said about both of them at both services because they were such a team, but I've been reflecting too on them as individuals.

She was an incredibly gracious woman and here's a few random musings...

Remembering her now, I always remember wanting to have her fiery red hair when I was younger. Her house was always impeccably clean, perfectly organised and they did have the cleanest basement I've ever seen in my life. She took pride in her home and I think that is something I've definitely taken from her too. But she loved a good laugh and always seemed on the verge of making a punchline of virtually every story. She shared so much with so many people and from that I take that she must have cherished the wider community she was a part of.

She also loved turtles. For many birthdays, Christmases and Mother's Days I'm sure I bought her a little turtle. I'll always remember her little cabinet in the den at Rowse Crescent and picking my favourites out. Her little bell would ring each morning for Grandpa to bring the coffee presumably. She let me stay up late to watch the Golden Girls and I can still sing every word of that theme song today! She loved stroking my hair, whatever the length, and counting freckles. Whenever I would leave her house in the summer, I'd always leave with an empty margarine tub full of cherry tomatoes.

The other past time I'll take from her is peering into the windows of people's houses at night. I'm not sure whether she was checking out their decor or seeing if she could catch people up to something mischievous, but she loved it and now I do too.

But you cannot help thinking of my Grandma and Grandpa together. They were married for over 66 years so were inseparable. Grandpa would always call me - to dial the numbers - but then I'd quickly be passed over to Grandma - who he called the boss. I think that simply demonstrates how they did always do things as a team. I'll remember them both with the utmost love, fondness and admiration. I'll miss them always but hold dear the lessons learnt.

Finally, I just want to write somewhere so I don't forget, that I mentioned to my cousin's wife Kelly at the service that one of the last conversations I had with my Grandpa was about my masters dissertation. He told me about how he researched his from old newspapers at the central library in Toronto. Apparently, Kelly said he randomly dug it out and told everyone about it and she hadn't known what had triggered it. I guess it was that slightly random conversation with me.