my two lives

it feels like i'm fulfilling my gemini destiny.

i have these two lives. there's one that i've lived all of my life back home in canada. it has its own history, players and storylines, and truth be told it's the one i love most and will return to. then there's the most recent one on this side of the pond that seems to have developed so greatly in the past year. it already has its own history, players and storylines, but its extraordinarily young in comparison. it's hard to reconcile two things with each other that are so completely different, yet that's what i've been trying to do since i got back.

i guess i assumed that i would visit home and everything would be the same; nothing would have changed. on the surface, that is exactly how it was, but everyone i know has had day to day experiences while i've been gone (how dare you go on without me! kidding...), babies have been born, buildings have appeared out of holes in the ground, wood has aged, but at least the scotch hasn't.

it feels like my trip home was a million years ago and that i never really left liverpool at all. but then it also feels like i've just arrived here and i'm still trying to find my feet. i thought that bringing some of home back with me or that bringing some of this life back home was going to be an instant marriage of like minded lives, but on that point i think i was wrong.

a few people have asked me whether i'm happier here in the uk. i'm happier than when i left montreal that's for sure, but there's always going to be this little tiny part of me that just can't quite adjust. that part will always remain in the various places i call home back on the other side of the pond: in montreal, in the backyard in markham, on very straight roads, on the dock at the cottage or sitting at the dining room table after supper, and most importantly in the company of my friends and family.

i know it's all sentimental and soppy, and i love everyone over here i do, but i can't help but feel at least a little homesick right now...i've only been back 3 days!